A Little Help from my Friends

A Little Help from my Friends

The other day, one of my Dad's best friends, Erran Q, sent me the following text message::
"Standing in the Guitar Center on Sunset Blvd. Kinda missing your Dad right now. :( "
Now, this made me cry and miss my Dad all the more too, but it also really helped. It reminded me that my family and I are not the only ones grieving and missing my Dad.

The time in the hospital and the ensuing whirlwind of funeral preparations in the midst of our grieving was overwhelming to say the least. I know that we would not have made it through as well as we did without the support of our family and friends. So many friends of my Dad's and of the rest of our family came to our assistance with their support and love. It was amazing to see the turnout at the funeral and the viewing...well over 300 people...not counting the slew of motorcycle riders of the Patriot Guard that he was so involved in with his life (see post Patriot Guard - Idaho Chapter). I never realized just how many peoples' lives he had affected. It was amazing to see the variety of people as well. From your typical church people to musicians to theater people to coworkers to big bad bikers. All gathered together to celebrate my Father.

It was comforting to see all of these people who called my Dad friend, brother, family. Many helped each of us in different ways. There were so many people during that time that provided comfort, and continue to provide comfort, but there are a specific few that I were pivotal in helping me through my own turmoil. People that I needed and were there for me.

Erran Q.

Erran Q. Sweeney is one of my Dad's best friends...and more like a brother. My Dad sought him out when I was very young to be the drummer in my Dad's band, Zamar. There would be weekly band practices that would last till late at night, frequent gigs, dinners and other outings with our families. Over the years, the two became the best of friends. And when he married his love, Tara, she became a part of our family as well. Even when Erran Q. decided to follow his dreams and go to flight school, the distance did not kill their bond. My Dad always considered Erran Q a brother. 

So, when Dad had his aneurysm and we were told that the outlook was bleak, I couldn't let go of the thinking that Erran Q. needed to be there. That we couldn't let them remove life support until he got to say goodbye. When Erran heard what was happening, he and his wife, Tara, drove all night from Arizona to Boise to be with my Dad one last time. From that point forward, they were by our sides, only leaving us for short periods of time to sleep or help with any errands that we needed. When Tara had to leave part way through, we were sad because she was so comforting and kept us going a lot, but I thank her for letting us keep Erran for the rest of the week. I leaned heavily on Erran Q during those days, and clung to his support and the memory of how close he and my Dad were. I know that it was extremely hard on him as well, but I clung to him as a lifeline. I had a very hard time when he left us to go back to Arizona. 

I don't know if he knows how much I needed him to be there for us. It felt like part of my Dad was with us.

Parry Jay

Parry Naito is one of my Dad's coworkers at MotivePower. He started out as an Engineer for the company and about 6 or 7 years ago was promoted to the Contracts and Estimating department with my Dad. Since my Dad was a veteran to the department and was the most knowledgeable and most experienced, Parry was assigned to learn the ropes of the department from him. Over the years, my Dad took Parry under his wing, not only teaching him the business, but life lessons as well. I think that Dad thought of him as a sort of younger brother. Parry and my Dad became very close over the years and went from being just coworkers to friends.

When Parry heard about Dad's death, he was on vacation with his family in California. They arrived back the night that he passed and called me really wanting to come over and be with our family for a bit. We had just gotten home from the hospital not long before, but not wanting to face the reality, we gladly had him come over. Bearing flowers and a card, Parry and his wife, Hannah, came and spent several hours with us. Several hours that painted a very beautiful picture of my Father that I wasn't fully expecting. Parry shared the amazing memories he had of my Dad and the lessons that he taught him. We were so moved by the things that he had to say that we asked if he would be willing to share that at the funeral. He agreed and I hope that others took something away from hearing it as well. Parry emailed the document he read from at the funeral for us to keep...a great tribute to my Father.

Parry has continued to send anicdotes and pictures and such to us about my Dad. It is truly beautiful to see how much he respected and loved my Dad. I know that it was a feeling the was reciprocated by Dad as well.

Marcus

Marcus LeBaron is the Childrens' Pastor at my parents' church. He and my Dad got to know eachother through this ministry because my Dad always had a soft spot in his heart for children and donated his time to the ministry by playing guitar in the worship band. For 13 years, Marcus and Dad have spent every Sunday together and have taken the 5th & 6th grade childrens' choir on a Seattle Tour every Memorial Day. Over the years, their mutual love for music and children has made them lifelong friends and brothers. 

When I arrived at the hospital after the longest hour and a half flight in my life, I found Marcus and several other friends supporting my Mom through this whole horrible ordeal. It turns out that he had been with her almost since she intially brought him to the hospital that morning. I know that Marcus was being torn up inside as well for his friend, but he stayed strong and stood by our side the entire time we were in the hospital. Staying there until all hours of the night and back again in the wee hours of the morning. I know that it was hard on him as well, especially with 5 kids and a wife at home, but he was there continuously for our support. Constantly vigilant in prayer and emotional support. I don't know how many times I cried out to him "Why is this happening?" He provided a shoulder to lean on, a shirt to cry into and humor for distraction. 

We asked him to share a lesson from the childrens' service during the funeral because we knew it was something my Dad would have wanted. I was so proud of him for making it through, though I know it was tough not to give in to the tears, and adding a little bit of humor on that emotionally exhausting day. 

I couldn't find a pic of Marcus and my Dad together, but
here is a more recent one of the worship team. My Dad
is on the far right with the M&Ms guitar and Marcus is
on the far left in red plaid.